when food plays pretend

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

08. How Swit It Is (To be Blogged By You)

Yes, they look more like pituitary glands than anything resembling a snack, but be that as it may, these are Orange Swits. The bastard child of an orange, gelatin, and sugar, Orange Swits are a throwback to the seventies and eighties when oranges were hard to come by in the Philippines. They came in packs of four and were mainstays at sari-sari stores and of ambulant vendors everywhere.With globalization though, oranges now flood the sidewalks like streetchildren and Orange Swits have become an embarrassment, like a drunkard uncle or a clumsy and incontinent child.

Orangs Swits suffer from an intense need for affection and so they overwhelm the tongue with a saccharine overload from the very first bite. While this is meant to be endearing, the sweetness is often overpowering and Orange Swits are often seen as clingy and needy.

This sweetness is only on the surface though, years of neglect and being passed over for trendier snacks have left them cold and hard inside.

The jelly center tastes faintly like an orange, but only if you've never had an orange and have burnt your tongue beforehand. Still, the sugar coating is often enough for a short high, so Orange Swits still have a chance to make it back to the big time. If only people could see past the artificial, almost chemical, orange tint and the fact that they look like parts of someone's endocrine system.

Orange Swits have very low self-esteem and are prone to self-mutilation because it is the only way for them "to feel alive and to control the pain." Sadly, being undeniably ugly, these mutilations often go undetected. Much like Orange Swits themselves at supermarket checkout counters. They must overcome their self-loathing before they will be accepted by society. After all, how can others love us, if we do not love ourselves?

Orange Swits, you are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down, 'cause you are beautiful in every single way.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehehe. low self esteem ba? i hate those orange icky candies. kadiri.

this my favorite post. :)

- joy.

12:05 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

aaa! i love orange swits! miss ko na yan! :P

3:39 PM

Blogger Drakulita said...

the sweetness is often overpowering and Orange Swits are often seen as clingy and needy.

HAHAHAHAH...how annoyingly true.

6:14 PM

Blogger Eric, 6th Lord of Lazy said...

You can have them. I still have a pack left.

12:21 PM

Blogger Teh Topnotcher said...

Do they still sell those? I don't see them in stores but somehow, they still *magically* appear in my brother's kiddie party loot bags.

8:57 AM

Blogger Eric, 6th Lord of Lazy said...

I saw a takatak boy selling them earlier today.

11:59 PM

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